Carmen Waterman

On the Wings of a Dove

So here’s the thing… Sometimes you just have to realize that it is okay to admit that you are having a tough time with pain. I guess in all my growth and the pursuit of my dreams I have still been reluctant to share when things are just hard. Sometimes the pain takes its toll and after several days/weeks running you realize that you have to walk the walk. Admit it when things are tough, reach out to those who care. It’s not about giving up, it is just about recognizing that “it is what it is.” Fibromyalgia sucks!

It is really hard to have the kind of chronic pain that makes getting out of bed a horrendous endeavour. Hard to explain that while you look OK on the outside, your body is at war with itself. My latest challenge is hip and knee pain that becomes severe almost as soon as I sit. What is with that? Migraines have gotten bad again. Muscles are aching and my joints are throbbing. Ohhh did I mention the nausea that comes with all this. Imagine if you will, feeling like you have the flu 24/7! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Fibro is a right bastard! After 17 years of this, I should know. Trust me I’ve done it all, tried all the remedies, therapies, diets, supplements, and it all comes down to building a toolbox of creative solutions to help you cope. So that when you are having a particularly bad flare, you have things you can draw on to ride out the wave. Up till now, when I was in a flare and the pain was particularly difficult to deal with, I’d become quiet and withdraw. I guess I was still holding on to the “attitudes” of working in the Corporate World where illness was not really tolerated, even if they had medical plans and extended benefits. What a laugh! Just don’t ever admit you need to access them. Labels are an awful thing and tend to leave good people feeling beaten by even more than the illness or disability they are trying to fight.

I’m tired of a world that isn’t compassionate to those who are suffering. Sick of people who judge others by what they can or more importantly can not do. So my blog here on Carmen Waterman is going to be a new focus for me. I am going to talk openly about the very things people feel they need to hide from, like Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, invisible disabilities, and mental illness. I’m going to create more artwork to show support for those who are struggling. Everyone has the right to be heard and understood. Compassion and understanding have the power to ease suffering more than any drugs ever have. I hope you’ll join me here. Perhaps you will find that you feel a little less alone if you are struggling with any of these challenges, or perhaps it might help you to understand someone close to you that is fighting these same battles.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wife who is my soul mate and best friend. She has been my biggest supporter and inspiration. She has never doubted that I can do whatever I dream and long to do. It truly is because of her that I was able to self-publish my first tarot deck using my own artwork and card interpretations. You can find the deck here. Together we are building a home business and we have so many creative dreams that we will continue to work on together. On bad pain days, I work hard to not let depression whisper in my heart spreading sadness and despair.

For days like today when the pain is high. I will take time to enjoy the little things like the birds that come to our feeders. The doves who have found their way to our new home, now that we had to move. I will try not to be hard on myself for what I couldn’t do today, and instead be thankful for what I have and for the wonderful people in my life that I can reach out to.
You Are Not Alone


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