When you struggle with depression, anxiety and many of the other other mental health challenges things become bigger than life. Your senses seem to go into overdrive and it becomes difficult to see your way out of the place you are in.
I created this image to represent the feeling of being overwhelmed, of waters rushing in and while there is a staircase behind her, she doesn’t see it. The perception is of water rising and being trapped. Our emotions and thoughts can do that, making us feel hopeless and fearful.
What I do know is that the horror and fear of that moment or time (because when you are in the midst of it, it feels like you have been this way forever) – it will pass. Just never give up. Things can change and you can feel better than you do in those moments/times when you are most overwhelmed. Hang in there, believe it will get better. There are people that care and I am one of them.
So many people are struggling so I just wanted to share the energy of love and healing light. Lighting candles and connecting with the universal energy of healing is always part of my Reiki practise that fills the heart with hope. It is a cool and rainy day and I am so grateful to be inside, warm and able to work on a project that is very dear to me. Helping others to find ways to improve their quality of life when struggling with an illness or disorder that steals from them on a daily basis the kind of life they long for.
Many illnesses and disabilities are invisible and yet the symptoms and limitations are very real and at times debilitating. The truth is everyone suffers, at one time or another, and for some those challenges are a constant companion. Candles represent giving light in the darkness. Which is such an important part of helping anyone that is hurting. I am blessed in so many ways. The biggest of which being married to the most amazing woman, who not only loves me, she accepts all of the challenges and limitations I have. She is the bravest and most beautiful person and is a true inspiration. She too struggles with many health challenges and has always advocated for those who felt they didn’t have a voice or were unable to express what they are going through. With unconditional love in 1999 she moved heaven and earth (moving from the Southern Hemisphere to the Northern), so we could be together and we started a journey of love and healing that we have been on ever since.
This Saturday on October 25th, I will be at the Conscious Living Faire in Nanaimo. I will have a booth to provide Reiki and Tarot sessions and I will also be giving a talk on “Creating Your Own Healing Toolkit.” A presentation I hope will benefit anyone struggling with the challenges of chronic pain and illnesses that affect the body, mind and spirit, as well as their caregivers and loved ones.
I’ve lit these candles again today to share with anyone who is in need. May you fine ease and know you are not alone.
So here’s the thing… Sometimes you just have to realize that it is okay to admit that you are having a tough time with pain. I guess in all my growth and the pursuit of my dreams I have still been reluctant to share when things are just hard. Sometimes the pain takes it’s toll and after several days/weeks running you realize that you have to walk the walk. Admit it when things are tough, reach out to those who care. It’s not about giving up, it is just about recognizing that “it is what it is.” Fibromyalgia sucks!
It is really hard to have the kind of chronic pain that makes getting out of bed a horrendous endeavour. Hard to explain that while you look OK on the outside, your body is at war with itself. My latest challenge is hip and knee pain that becomes severe almost as soon as I sit. What is with that? Migraines have gotten bad again. Muscles are aching and my joints are throbbing. Ohhh did I mention the nausea that comes with all this. Imagine if you will, feeling like you have the flu 24/7! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Fibro is a right bastard! After 17 years of this, I should know. Trust me I’ve done it all, tried all the remedies, therapies, diets, supplements, and it all comes down to building a toolbox of creative solutions to help you cope. So that when you are having a particularly bad flare, you have things you can draw on to ride out the wave. Up till now, when I was in a flare and the pain was particularly difficult to deal with, I’d become quiet and withdraw. I guess I was still holding on to the “attitudes” of working in the Corporate World where illness was not really tolerated, even if they had medical plans and extended benefits. What a laugh! Just don’t ever admit you need to access them. Labels are an awful thing and tend to leave good people feeling beaten by even more than the illness or disability they are trying to fight.
I’m tired of a world that isn’t compassionate of those who are suffering. Sick of people who judge others by what they can or more importantly can not do. So my blog here on Carmen Waterman is going to be a new focus for me. I am going to talk openly about the very things people feel they need to hide from, like Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, invisible disabilities and mental illness. I’m going to create more artwork to show support for those who are struggling. Everyone has the right to be heard and understood. Compassion and understanding has the power to ease suffering more than any drugs ever have. I hope you’ll join me here. Perhaps you will find that you feel a little less alone if you are struggling with any of these challenges, or perhaps it might help you to understand someone close to you that is fighting these same battles.
I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wife who is my soul mate and best friend. She has been my biggest supporter and inspiration. She has never doubted that I can do whatever I dream and long to do. It truly is because of her that I was able to self-publish my first tarot deck using my own artwork and card interpretations. You can find the deck here. Together we are building a home business and we have so many creative dreams that we will continue to work on together. On bad pain days, I work hard to not let depression whisper in my heart spreading sadness and despair.
For days like today when the pain is high. I will take time to enjoy the little things like the birds that come to our feeders. The doves who have found their way to our new home, now that we had to move. I will try not to be hard on myself for what I couldn’t do today, and instead be thankful for what I have and for the wonderful people in my life that I can reach out to.
It is long past time that I found my way back to writing and creating images that speak of what my heart and spirit is calling me towards. The recent past has seemingly had a tight hold on my time, my energy and my ability to be present. Life is always going to throw challenges our way and sometimes they will be so great that all we can do is hang on, to not let go of hope and to know that tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity to follow our dreams and continue on the path we have always been heading towards.
It is not surprising to me any longer that the biggest challenges and hardest times bring with them the biggest opportunity for transformation and change. I know recently there have been times when I have struggled with this knowledge and an almost sarcastic response to what has been going on with thoughts ranging from “you’re kidding right!!” “enough already” “hello is anyone listing… I’m done!” Then as often happens when life’s challenges continue to beat down at my exhausted self and my fibro swings into the party with a “Ohh yes, lets add a flare to this little circus!” I reach critical mass and do what I must and rest, rest more, do what I can to ease the pain, and accept that some days (and not just one or two) just holding on and riding out the storm, is a true act of courage.
Today the tides turned and I am again filled with hope. The last few days I’ve done only what I could and I practised not beating myself up with unrealistic expectations and the word “should.” Today I slept in, and then in the afternoon attended a workshop I had been looking forward to. It was an “Introduction to Ayurveda” with a gifted and gentle teacher Asrael Zemenick. So many hidden gems of knowledge and wisdom in today’s lesson and I am so looking forward to learning more next week.
One thing that really resonated with me was what she called “Rule #1 – Trust Your Experience.” How often are we told that a particular truth is true for all, when in fact the very nature of our own individualities is perfect in its own way. I find many things that we discussed today to resonate with the Reiki I practise and in particular the energies and intuitive practises that are so important to me. I am excited that this will provide me with even more understanding of our own healing abilities and our connection with each other and the world we live in. Two daily practices I look forward to starting tomorrow Abhyanga and a return to meditation (something that slipped away and I look forward to doing more of again).
Tonight while I am still tired I am looking forward, to new opportunities to learn, to grow and to make a difference. I do believe that we all have the opportunity to make a difference to foster positive, healing energy and hope. Some of the principles of Ayurveda align with those things that have been my spiritual practise, meditation, spending more time in nature, connecting with the life force energy, understanding and seeing how the elements play a part in our lives and how as different as we each may be, we are all connected, to all life.
Well this site which has not had any attention in forever is about to undergo a major change and update to bring it current with the next phase in providing services that I believe to be my true life’s work and calling. Where do I start to fill in the gaps on a blog that has not been active in so very long. Well, what I won’t do is start off by listing all the reasons and things which have kept me away instead I will begin by sharing where things are headed.
Today a new dream began to take real form. After months and in some cases, yes years, of planning a new domain was purchased for the company that will offer services and programs for those who can benefit from the skills and expertise we have to offer. It is so exciting and I feel the energy that is beginning to build. It is like the new buds of snowdrops and crocus’s that are poking their brave little heads out of the ground when there is even still snow laying just a few feet away.
Last year I published two articles in the Island Gals Magazine. The second of which was titled “The Great Escape.” It was about planning and making your dreams a reality. It is something I have been working on for some time and have first hand experience with so I can boldly say “Yes, Dreams Can Come True!”
So where is this all leading, and what will my part of this exciting new company be. I will be creating, facilitating, coaching, leading, helping, and sharing everything that I know and are my best skills and expertise.
I’ve always been a dreamer, and there was a time when that word was used to describe me like it was a bad thing. Not any more! If I was to be honest my whole life has been a “dream in progress” and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
So stay tuned, I plan on sharing all kinds of wonderful announcements as this adventure unfolds.
