It has been an interesting weekend.  Not what I originally had expected as I had registered to attend a workshop on Saturday that was postponed due to the snow and while I was disappointed the day was amazing just the same.  With the workshop not happening that meant I could go to the weekly meditation session that is now happening at Harmony Yoga, after which we went out to lunch with a dear friend and it was a perfect way to begin the weekend.  It set a pace for relaxing and enjoying the company of kindred spiirts and heart family.  Of course after a big lunch and the peace that comes from meditation, it was little wonder that an afternoon nap was another great part of the day.  Which later in the evening seemed to be just the spark to bring out my muse who wanted to play, and I created more images for the oracle deck of cards that is unfolding in an exciting way.

One of the things I am working on now that I think many people struggle with is balance.  So often it is hard to find a way to fit into a day all of the things you long to do, along with all the other things that come up seeming to demand your attention, then there is health challenges and  low energy levels that add a level of difficulty that so many face, not to mention those other tempting activities that sometimes just seem to draw you in and before you know it hours have passed and another day is flying by, and did I mention the hours at work, and the day to day tasks that seem to all be a part of the cycle that steals our waking hours.  

Long neglected I am now making a concious effort to balance mind, body, heart and soul, and those things that I need to do to nurture all of me….. and perhaps not surprising the more you practise that, the less your psyche is willing to allow you to forget it….  It is like beginning to make time to do spiritual things that fill your soul, is like something you want more of, and like being a kid after a visit to a big new candy store and wanting to go back there as soon as possible…  

Finding balance is also about moving towards my authentic self, for I am more than my job, more than my illness, more than what others might know about me, and it can be scarey to take those steps… When I thought about creating an image for my oracle deck on balance, the usual symbolism came to mind, the scales and others, yet I wanted it to be more than that.  This is the image that I am working on for my deck…

Standing on the edge of a cliff it would be important to keep your balance for fear of falling… and yet this is just the beginning… the story of this card will be told that shares the experience that many of us have with balance and the message this card has when it is drawn from the deck….

And now because I do have to get up early tomorrow and it is a big day at work…. I will take that journey to dreamland… Tomorrow is another day…  

Namaste and sweet dreams…

It is with a heart beaming with joy that I sit here nearing the end of a wonderful day.  I am humbled by the magnitude of a universe that is showing me the path my heart has for so long wanted to travel.  I am blessed to have the love of my beloveds that make our home a sacred refuge that a wounded soul can find comfort, solace and hope.  And the encouragement always to explore, learn and continue to grow and be my authentic self. 

I am blessed to have come to live in a valley that seems to be a center for healing and spiritual souls that not only do not look at you like you are from another planet when I talk about my hearts dreams, they provide opportunities to learn more, grow more and share. 

The day started with a meditation class and connecting with kindred spirits and connecting to the place of peace and acceptance of being in the moment.  One of the gifts of meditation is being mindful of being present and the sharing of meditation in a group adds community and ads to the energy of the experience of everyone.  Sharing in the circle afterwards is safe and I am always touched by the warming of my heart as people speak from within themselves.  There is no pretense, no role to play, simply being in the moment and sharing it with compassion, kindness, and acceptance for self and others.

Meditation for me is so freeing, it is like being given the gift of letting go of things that might be worrisome, and just drifting in a cocoon of radiant acceptance.  Something I think we all long for, I know it has been something that I always needed and yet I am finding that the only place you can get that is by first accepting yourself.  I know that has been said and is probably in every self help book written, but there is nothing like beginning to embrace it to find the real magic of this blessing.

Today I registered for a workshop next weekend on Spirit Connection.  Who would have thought that there would be so many opportunities for me to grow and learn right here where I live? I'm so excited, about all that I am working towards.  Having my cards ready for printing within the next 2 months and then the other projects will unfold as they are meant to.  I find myself breaking out into song, singing out loud when music is playing that I love, dancing and swaying in the store when music is playing….  I am experiencing life in spite of my chronic pain with joyful abandon…. and along with all this a conviction that following your heart, which I always new to be so very important is the key… a key that opens the door to unlimited possibilities…

What a difference a day can make…. last night I was exhausted and bone weary.  Yet I could not sleep, my body ached and the constant pain kept my mind spinning.  Tossing and turning and struggling with trying to fall asleep the voice of doubt crept in from the shadows with the old fears of not being able to do all that my soul longs for… 

Several hours of this and as sleep continued to be elusive, I got up and pulled out some crafts and a small wire book that I was beginning to use to write out the steps I have been working on for my oracle deck.  

Well in the wee hours of the morning this has transformed into my own "Dream Maker" book.  It is a kind of "To Do Book" and my little book has now been decorated with colour, words and inspiration to build and track the steps to make all these dreams that have come to mean so much to me… come true…  

There will be 7 major categories and I will be making a Dream/Vision Board of soon which will then hang in a place that reminds me of my focus for this year.  After that I will be breaking things down into smaller manageable, and actionable steps…  I am setting goals and defining my dreams in specific areas as they unfold and I continue to plan and work towards my hearts purpose:

• Creative Dreams
• Personal Growth
• Relationship and Social
• Financial
• Wellness
• Hearth and Home
• Play

I needed to sleep during the today (luckily I had the day off) to recover from a night of no sleep and then went to yoga this evening.  Through the breathing and meditation I became so much more hopeful.  Now instead of the shadows and voices of the critic, I feel grateful, blessed and so very hopeful.  

Tomorrow is another day, and while I may not be moving forward at a pace that others might, I am doing what I can and I'm good with that….

It is the first day of the New Year and there is so much I want to manifest this year.  I do not want to be at this point in time a year later and not have achieved the goals I have set out for myself.  Last year was hard in so many ways and a blessing in others.  I realized after checking the many journals I have bought over the years and started to write in, that the same theme kept resonating throughout and each time I would start again with the hopes to make some of my creative dreams come true.  What holds me back…. not just me, but the masses of people that long for something different than what they are doing in the present time.  What keeps us running on that hamster wheel getting no where.  I say that and yet know that I have grown and continued to move towards this time and place that I am in now. 

I suppose in some ways I am only frustrated at how long it takes to get to what I feel is more of my life's purpose.  I don't say this to reduce the importance of everything I have done in the past, only that for a long time I have wanted to be able to do more with my creative skills and my passion for healing and helping others.  I have accepted the limitations of my illness and chronic pain and yet there are times when it seems to win and I feel defeated by it.  A few days ago I made a picture about the pain I struggle against and I shared it with the note below the image….

For the last two days I have been fighting the pain that is fibromyalgia and migraines… and this is the image that I created with feelings of despair and yet hopeful (candles) that I will not allow the chronic pain to define me or steal my days and trap me…. 

I am frustrated because I want to do so much.  I have had a week of holidays and already two days have been reduced to being gentle with myself and trying not to let the pain be all of what my day is….  I found an insightful page from the planner I am using created by "Goddess Leonie" about making a list of things to do when days suck and it made me laugh because I've made lists like that for high pain days…. it’s just that now that I have been working towards what I really want to do, I hate being delayed by the pain that makes me just want to curl up and sleep it away.  I do the nurturing things I need to do, wonderful bubble baths, warm blankets and a heat pad, music, movies, reading… and yet my spirit is restless and frustrated with a body that cannot get past the limitations of pain…. This image was created to perhaps say in ways my words can not express about the feelings….

And now I have only one day left of vacation and while I have done some work towards those things I hoped to do on vacation, I haven't come close to what I had hoped to do.  I feel more strongly than I ever have to make changes in order for it to happen.  I started today by having breakfast, big deal someone might say but for me it is.  I need to change what and how I eat so that my body is getting the nutrition it needs throughout the day.  I went for a walk along the river, which was wonderful.  Came home and wrote in my planner and needed a nap because that small amount of exercise took its toll.  Now its evening and the reality of a vacation having gone by too quickly is depressing.  I'm working hard not to let it bring me down but the feelings are there just the same.  Depression is a beast that swoops in when you are feeling most weak and vulnerable and I will be using the energy of my spirit to protect against it.  My mind works in images and I compare the battle with depression similar to the that of fighting off a winged creature in medieval times….  So I will equip my heart with armor and be prepared to defend myself with a sword of protection…. 

You will not win.  I will not let the voice inside my head tell me that I can not do the things I long to do.  I will not let the old tapes replay in my mind that rob me of my dreams….  

This is a New Year and it will be one that I focus on making dreams come true!